And the list goes on and on... This is what I feel every single day... and the closer we get to being able to travel to meet our son, the feelings become stronger. Adoption is a roller coaster of emotions and all one can do is just hold on for dear life.
With all of the waiting and roadblocks that we have encountered, I'm reminded of a conversation that happened between my daughter and I when she was 2 years old. My husband was stationed in S. Korea for a year and we were in the midst of being approved to move to Germany, which was another very stressful point in my life. My daughter and I were at Wal-mart and she was insisting on pushing the shopping cart. We had just made it through the checkout line and were trying to navigate through the crowd to head toward the exit. She was begging to push, so I finally gave in. I kept my hand on the cart, straining to keep her from causing injury to some poor person, as she pushed with all of her might to make the cart go, but she just couldn't see over the top of the buggy. (okay, I can't call it a shopping cart anymore, I'm from the south, and we call them buggies. :-)) Finally, I had had enough. I picked her up, plopped her in the buggy, and explained to her that she is just too small to push the cart right now. It was then that God clearly spoke to my heart... I had been trying to control so many things in my life and He used that moment to finally stress to me that HE had had enough with me. He picked me up and plopped me in the buggy right alongside my sweet little daughter....
And He said...
"Maria...you are too small... you can't see... I AM bigger than this world. I know where you need to go, let Me steer."
It was a voice so clear within me...and those words were spoken directly to my heart.
I love how God has used my daughter to teach me how to love with a childlike faith. He has used her so many times to basically reset my faith button. He has brought me back to the basics of how we should love our Lord and it really is quite simple...but we try to make it so difficult.
Mark 10:13-16 says this, "13 One day some parents brought their children to Jesus so he could touch and bless them. But the disciples scolded the parents for bothering him.
14 When Jesus saw what was happening, he was angry with his disciples. He said to them, “Let the children come to me. Don’t stop them! For the Kingdom of God belongs to those who are like these children. 15 I tell you the truth, anyone who doesn’t receive the Kingdom of God like a child will never enter it.” 16 Then he took the children in his arms and placed his hands on their heads and blessed them."
Children "get it". They are so innocent, yet so bold. They will believe wholeheartedly...they are so trusting and have no problems believing that God is real. As adults, we begin to question things too much...we have to know every single detail...every "why", every "how"... when actually, all that really matters is this:
John 3:16 “For God loved the world so much that he gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life."
Romans 10:9 "If you declare with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved."
Trust me... if you give it all over to God and just start at the basics, at that childlike faith that God desires so much... those trivial little details that you must have the answers to will disappear. I'm proof of that... I am enjoying learning even more about my Lord through the eyes of my daughters.
I read this today... A person who has not accepted Christ as their Savior by the age of 14 has only a 10% chance of accepting Christ later in life.
I know what my priority is.
So this isn't exactly where I was headed with this blog but apparently God wanted us to end up here... You see, I really don't have choices in these matters since He plopped me in His buggy. :-) I know that God knows much more than our earthly minds allow us to even imagine. We can say that we want things a certain way, but we just have to have faith that God is steering us the best way. He really is an amazing God and is quite capable of taking care of our little bitty selves. Today, God moved a mountain and we are able to mail our Dossier. Tomorrow it will be on its way. I know that there is one little bitty self sitting in an orphanage whose life is about to change forever... in God's timing. I will be patient. I will be obedient. I will let Him steer.
I'm in His buggy.