Wednesday, May 22, 2013

The Longest 10 Days Ever

During this time last year, we were on the 10 day waiting period.  Chris went back to Germany to be with Big G, I went back to the US to get Little G... and our sweet Middle G had to sit in the orphanage and wait for us to return.

My heart aches to think about that long 10 days.  I know Griffin well enough now to know how he felt when we left.  I know how he handles stress and the signs of how he handled that 10 days without us were very visible.  Breaks my heart.

Griffin's view of the 10 day wait from May 2012-

The momma and the papa had to tell me goodbye for awhile.  They said that they were going to court for me and that they had to go home and then come back to get me.  I'm not really sure what 'home' is, but they are going to take me there.  I'm pretty excited about it!  They showed me pictures of two girls that are going to be my 'sisters' and said that they have to take them back home, too.  They said we will be a family.  I'm not sure what that is, but it sounds nice!

I'm lonely.  I've never really had this feeling before because I never really had anyone to pay me a bunch of attention every single day.  I got use to seeing them and they made my days much happier.  I really don't want that feeling to ever end.  I enjoy having something to look forward to, other than the usual things... food, going outside when the nannies allowed, and I can't really think of anything else.

Maybe they aren't coming back for me after all.  It seems that it's been forever since they left me... maybe it's already been 10 days.  I don't really know how to handle this.  I've been moaning and crying a lot.  I have started scratching at my face and hitting my head on the side of the crib.  I can feel the marks in my forehead from my fingernails, but it makes me FEEL.  Feeling the pain of that makes me feel something other than the loneliness that I feel inside.  The other kids don't like for me to cry.  One little boy keeps biting me on my face.  I have bruises on my cheeks and it hurts really bad.  I just want the momma and the papa to come back and get me.

My days are the same as they use to be.  Every time the door opens, I hope that it's them.  But it's not. I miss seeing the smiles on their faces and feeling like I'm the best boy in the world!  They told me how special I am and I was starting to believe it... I hope they still think I'm special.

I think I understand what the 'love' word means now.  If love means that you miss someone so badly that it hurts, then I love them.

I hope they still love me.

I hope they come back to me.

I hope...

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